3 Easy Steps to “Build Yourself Up After A Challenging Divorce”

3 Easy Steps To“Building Yourself Up After A Challenging Divorce”

Divorced Women Owning her Life

Step 1. How to build your confidence to handle your new challenges!

The moment that you become the one and only, the shock sets in, you now have your own bills to pay, you may have to find another place to live. this is the time when ready or not you have to step up.

How? you ask when you have come from a situation whereby your confidence has been taken from you over the years. 

Through my experience and many other divorced women that I have meet along the way, this is the time when self-doubt creeps in; how can I cope on my own?, how do I maintain my lifestyle?, how do I pay the bills?  

Over the years our self confidence has been taken away and some of you would have solely depended on your husbands for a lot of the decision making, finances etc.

Take some time out, take a few deep breaths, close your eyes for a few minutes and relax in a chair or lay down on the bed and think of the times in your life when you were more in control, more confident, could make your own decisions, wasn’t afraid of the unknown, think of the things you concurred, achieved – I’m curious

How did you feel when you were younger and on top of things? How was your thinking then? How did you look at life and tackle things then?

What did you do differently back then that gave you the confidence to take on anything? what was it that helped you make the difficult decisions and that pushed you through the barriers to tackle any challenge head on?

You haven’t changed physically, you still have your same mind and body. The only thing that has changed is the way you think about things?

Through conditioning over the years and the numbing from your divorce your confidence has been knocked, self doubt has crept in but you are still the same strong person you once were underneath.

It is important to feel good about yourself again, this builds your self confidence. 

Refrain from putting yourself down and start building yourself back up!  Think I can and I will! 

To help you start feeling good about yourself again, begin by writing down 20 positive affirmations about yourself and each day add a couple more. I have started some for you:

  • I have a good heart
  • I am an awesome person
  • I am a loyal friend
  • I am successful
  • People enjoy my company

Read these affirmations out loud to yourself every morning when you wake up and again every night before you go to sleep while looking at yourself in the mirror. 

Each day you will start feeling better about yourself, you have a lot to offer, your experiences, your knowledge, your expertise, your love, your job is to start believing in yourself. You are a unique and special person.

To help with make the hard decisions try visualisation. This has helped thousands of people to get the outcome that they want:

Start by creating a mental picture, visualise in your mind the outcome you would like to happen from a decision or situation, what does it look like? how does it Feel? visualise the people around you smiling and happy as a result of your decision. Go through this same mental picture a couple of times a day with each decision you have to make.

Tackle one decision at a time and you will be pleasantly surprised by how your decisions in the future play out positively.

A book I have found to be such a treasure to me over the years is “Creative Visualization” by Shakti Gawain this book has helped me create so many things in my life, it has helped me get to where I am today.

Write on a sheet of paper a list of everything that you are being faced with right now that you feel needs your attention. Start to prioritise this list – if something on the list is not urgent, is not life or death, put it in another column, there is always tomorrow. The urgent ones your top 5 only, write these down separately on a to do list of their own, then tackle them one by one.

Start with the top one on your list, begin putting a plan of action together, it is a good idea to seek the help of professionals, friends etc. who can help you with this. You don’t have to go it alone, ask for help as this lightens the burden.

You may find that other people often look at things from a different perspective which could bring some great new ideas and different options that could help you. Most people love helping others you only have to ask.

Once the first five have been completed, go back to your other list and prioritise the next top 5, repeat the same until you have gone through the list.

Reward yourself and give yourself a pat on the back each time you complete each one on your list or celebrate in some way as this is a great achievement.

Your confidence levels will begin to rise with each achievement. Remember to stand tall with shoulders back, head straight with your eyes looking forward and believe in yourself, walk tall with confidence and purpose.

Step 2. How to build your energy to keep up with the changes ahead of you!

Recovering from separation and divorce needs a lot of energy and it is important to have a good supply of energy as now you are flying solo and doing everything completely on your own.

What zaps our energy can mostly be put into 5 categories:

  1. Lack of sleep/fatigue
  2. Stress
  3. Diet
  4. Negativity
  5. Lack of Exercise

1. Lack of Sleep – 

If you find it hard to sleep with everything going around in your head, meditation for 10 – 15 minutes twice a day is excellent. It has been known to help completely rest the body and mind, recharging your energy levels.

Try planning some early nights or sleep ins. You could also call in a neighbour, a friend or a babysitter if you have younger children so that you can just relax and sleep for a few hours when you need it.

2. Stress –

This can be caused through negative thoughts, negative emotions, fear, anxiety, hate, anger, frustration etc. Once people realise how they are thinking and that they are able to change the way they are thinking just by replacing their negative thoughts with a positive thought thus generating positive emotions then the stress will become stress-less. 

Meditation also helps with stress, it helps calm the nerves and rest the mind. Try to prioritise your worries, if you can’t fix it, let it go. It is a waste of energy trying to fix something that you have no control over, concentrate your energy on that which you have some control of and you can fix.

Remember one step at a time.  A good transformation coach can also help you discover how you are thinking.

3. Diet –

Dietitians will tell you how important it is to eat a healthy balanced diet. The good foods antioxidants build up our immunity to sickness and keeps us in good health.

We are told to stay away from processed foods, too much sugar and too much salt. A good balance of alkaline and acidic foods will all help to maintain a good diet.  

Make sure you eat as it is so easy to skip meals. Food is energy. Water is just as important to have through the day as it is very easy to get dehydrated, which could cause cloudy thinking and energy loss.

4. Negativity –

Keeping positive is the key to energy, Negativity drains us. When you can hear yourself thinking negatively change your pattern of thought.

Try to see a positive in every situation. You have the choice you can choose to either dwell on the negative or ignore the negative and take something positive out of it. You cannot change the past but you can change your future.

Spend more time with people and friends that build you up and make you feel good and are always positive. They laugh a lot, are givers and are usually very happy people. This is contagious and helps boost you up.

Spend less time or completely distance yourself from people and your so-called friends that are always moaning about something, the conversation is generally all about them and their troubles or their ill health. Some don’t stop talking until they leave. What a drain of energy they are, you feel exhausted after any association with them. Drop them off your friends list.

Think about you, your needs, what makes you happy, positive and feel good as when you are happy your energy levels rise.

5. Lack of Exercise – 

Exercise gets the blood pumping around your heart, it helps you burn fat and creates energy while building your fitness level up. When you are more fit, you think clearer and can manage tasks a lot easier.

  • Start with walking more instead of taking your vehicle everywhere
  • Look for a gym or outside fitness area to start an exercise routine
  • Try swimming or take up water aerobics. 
  • Choose something fun that you will enjoy doing, Yoga or maybe dancing
  • Try a sport that you like

Any form of exercise will help to build up your energy levels and it can make you feel good about yourself.

Step 3. How to build positivity when it all feels too much!

All the above mentioned will help you keep positive. You have to think about you now, your number one priority is to look after your health, happiness and well being and your life will change for the better.

  • Celebrate your achievements and milestones
  • Have faith and trust your decisions
  • Take photos of your new life
  • Enjoy the company of positive friends
  • Go out and meet new people through clubs, schools, associations etc.
  • Stop and smell the roses – it’s great just to be in the moment and appreciate the now
  • Show your gratitude every day for everything you currently have around you, your family, friends and other people in your life, for everything new unfolding; confidence, empowerment, achievements and success in your new life.
  • Laugh a lot, see the funny side of things, watch a funny movie or comedy show.
  • Try to see something good in everyone and every situation.
  • Try to be happy, think positive thoughts, give lots of hugs.
  • Try to be a giver and not expect anything in return.

Just love being you and you will be able to enjoy life and all that it brings in the future.

BONUS!! A FREE 1:1 Coaching Session – This will help you evaluate where you are right now, where you want to be and how you can get to where you want to be.

Register below for your free 1:1 coaching session with me to help get you on the right track!

email: cheryl@lifepostdivorce.co.nz    facebook:  Life Post Divorce       skype: Life Post Divorce